Desert Blood Lust

Uh....Trains use coal.
And...Coal is a natural resource.
Mining for Coal is a man's job.
Uh...Coal creates black people.
Like.....from all the mining, it cause their skin to darken.
And...people call them "Black People."
But.....soon some mean ol' men decided to tease the black people.
"Haha. You work in mines. I'm rich and....do rich people stuff, drive a car, and fuck my wife......and your wife."
And....then, 20 years later. Slavery was started.
There. Easy paper.

Have you ever seen that stupid video on youtube of the angry fat ass kid? The one where he is bitching over some fucking game, starts to have a bitch fit, and gets in a fight with his keyboard? For those that have yet to see it, you are not missing out on anything. -.- The point is that I feel like that kid at the moment. I feel like cursing out my laptop screen and ripping out all the tiny keys from the keyboard. The stupid little keys that are a bitch to get back into the keyboard. You can easily get the letter keys back in once you figure out the trick to it. However, the bigger keys are brutal little fuckers. MY keyboard is a real mess. The left "Shift" and "Enter" keys are not properly installed. They are slanted in a way where they kinda tilt up a bit. The "f4", "Delete" "/" and right "Shift" keys are missing from the keyboard. I have no idea as how to get them back in, I'm too lazy to take my laptop to someone to fix, and I'm too damn cheap to pay someone to fix it. However, I manage with what I have and use the shitty keyboard. Completely ignoring the fact that I own a perfectly good USB keyboard that works and has all its keys. I am just too lazy to plug it into the USB port and it is too big and bulky. Blah.

Anyhow, I spent a good 4 hours of my life typing up what I had hoped to be a rather good story to later find that it was complete utter shit! There was no way I was going to continue it. So, what the fuck do I do now? I wasted 4 hours of my life and I have no story. Gah, I need some fucking coffee.

Do you know what is worse than a mentally challenged keyboard that is missing a few of its keys? Going to your kitchen to make coffee and finding that you can't. Do you want to know why I can not make my precious coffee? Some fucking bastard stole my coffee maker. Who in the world steals a man's coffee maker? Where they fucking dropped on their head and then used as a door stopper? Gah, Wal-Mart better be fucking open at this time of night or I will burn the place to the ground.

-------------------------------------------

When I was a young boy...my father took me into the city...to buy a kaleidoscope. He said, "Son when you grow up, you will be more iridescent than what you see in that good ol' kaleidoscope." He died a few minutes later, got ran over by a truck. He should of looked both ways before crossing the street.

Boy 1 - Wants friend. Hates Boy 2 for being friend's new BF.
Boy 2 - Hates Boy 1 for being mean.
Boy 1 - How dare you be with him!
Boy 2 - ASS!
Boy 3 - Annoyed with Boy 2 for being too innocent. Dumps him after 3 months. Thought he could corrupt t the kid but he won't put out.
Boy 1 - Oddly instead of being glad, he is mad. Not all about sex. Goes to see Boy 2.
Boy 3 - Laughs. Shouldn't you be glad. Thought you hated him.
Boy 1 - Still, that is horrible.
Boy 3 - Annoyed. Gah, contact me when you are not going to act like my damn mother.
Boy 2 - Cries. Asks if came to rub it in.
Boy 1 - No. Checking up and apologizing in behalf of friend.
Boy 2 - Well. Fine. Go back.
Boy 1 - Feels bad. Looks around. Decides to stay in contact. Goes every so often to check up on. Starts liking.
Eventual hook up.

October Challenge

Theme is ‘he who angers you conquers you’. A and B meet. Can’t stand each other (for whichever reason you chose). They end up together (in whichever way you chose). How do they move from nemesis to lovers? You tell me :)

MUSTs

Both main characters must be over the age of 18.

Must use the words: thesaurus, Kaleidoscope, arithmetic, dusky, iridescent and question.

One character must say: “You only said that because right now, you’re feeling very small inside!” (by the way, I forgot to say this in the first challenge: but you may change the punctuation of the quote if you wish so.)

MUST BE SLASH (like I need to say this)

At some point in the story, one of the MCs must do something very immature/stupid/embarrassing.

NO-WAYs

No dates: no characters can go on date, ask someone on a date, mention a date, suggest a date, etc. If you want your characters to meet up somewhere, make it imaginative and completely un-date-like.

No High School romance, unless it involves two teachers. This time around, teens are banned from this challenge.

Bitch! Do I look like Batman?

Boy 1 - Sourpuss.
Boy 2 - Acts like a fucking 15-year old on crack.
Boy 1 - 24. Writer.
Boy 2 - 22. Singer.
Boy 1 - Seth.
Boy 2 - Liam.
Boy 1 - Hates everyone.
Boy 2 - Hates all the mean people and bad people and spiders.



ending:

He saves the other boy from a gay basher. Earlier in story the first boy says he is not gay.
So, the one that gets saved will talk a lot.
The other boy will kiss him to shut him up.
"I thought you were not Batman."
"Shut Up." :: Kisses. ::
"I thought you were not gay."
"That is why you are going to be Batgirl."

A skirt. I just had to wear a fucking skirt the day I would meet the person that would become the most important thing in my life. It wasn't your pretty little innocent girl skirt. No. It was a long black skirt that showed quite a bit of legs if the light hit it just right. That is not the point though. Who gives a fuck if it was my Semi-Slut skirt. NO. The point is that it was a fucking SKIRT! The kind that you could move side to side in and it would make that "WOOSH" sound. It didn't fit me at all. It didn't look right on me. Helloooooo. Tom Boyish here. I don't do skirts...but, I had nothing to wear that day. All my pants had mysteriously disappeared that morning and I was already about to miss the fucking bus. So, I quickly put on the skirt and ran out of the house with my backpack that morning. Missed a lecture from dear ol' dad and forgot to shove my MP3 player into my backpack. Yes....I had to go a whole day without music.

Anyways....I walked into 5th period to find him sitting in front of the class. I never took 9th grade History, so I had to make it up in my 12th year of high school. I was stupid to think he was not a 9th grader. Not my fault. He seriously looked like he was in the 11th grade. Plus, it was possible that he could of been my age and taking the class for the first time like me. My eyes widen at the sight of him. Pure sex on legs. That is all I have to say. :D Black shirt that looked like someone taped the letters on. Blonde-brown hair. Eh...I'm bad at describing hair and color. Psh. But....it was a fucking mushroom. I swear. Mushroom Head. So, I went and sat next to him. I mean...how would I get in trouble? I was need to the class too. I got transferred into that class about...3 days before. Oh..and I remember the day I met him. It was a Friday. :D August 18, 2006. Uh....I kinda marked it on my calender. I even know the exact day we hooked up for the first time. August 22, 2006 - Tuesday. :D Anyways...Uh..where was I going with this. Kinda half awake and brain dead at the moment. Ya..I had to beat all those Nazis to talk to him. Otherwise, they would of drafted him into their group. In that class..it was everyone against me. Dunno....I'm a weird person. And.... I'm tired. I'm going back to sleep. :D

Lots has happened since my last update. Actually, I forgot I even had this little journal/blog thing. Oh well. Hmm..

I'm too lazy to state all that has happened. For now..I'll name 3 things.

1. Kevin and me are back together. :) 3rd time is a charm? I hope.
2. I'm bored out of my mind and got finished with an AMV.
3. I want to write something..but lazy. :) WOOT! I'm sooo lazy.

I am beginning to believe that this is becoming a diary. I mean, it just sounds soo...well, pathetic. I sound like a whiny little Emo-tional kid. It all comes to show that who I am and who people know me to be....they are two completely different people. I mean, there are some similarities. But, it is as if there is another side to me that I don't show anyone. As if like I am too scared to. Does that make me fake? Am I something that I constantly bash on others for being? Am I a hypocrite? Startling words that hurt. Awaking me to a world that is just too cold and hurtful. A world that I sadly just do not want to be a part of. I would like a world where I get to be happy. Ya, where can I sigh up for that world? Like a private server of a MMORPG. For those that do not know what a MMORPG is, allow me to enlighten you. MMORPG is basically a game such as World of Warcraft, Metin, Lunia, or Maplestory. I could go into detail of what the word actually means, but I rather just cut straight to the point and name a popular example of one that you surely have had to hear of by now. I mean...just hearing the words, World of Warcraft...ya, you can easily figure out for yourself what a MMORPG is.

I hung out with one of my 'best friends' Ayla yesterday and Today. Spent night over there. She pulled a Croix, ignore everyone but the one you are dating. Unreliable. Trying to put it nicely. It surprised me, I am not used to her doing such. But....she didn't ignore/ditch me and Chrisss most of the time for her boyfriend. Oh noes. In fact, she even did it to her boyfriend too. She ignored everyone for her new friend Westly. A boy that wants her. Whom, she claims she does not like in that way. Only time she paid attention to her boyfriend was when Westly was away. Which goes to show.....it must be a trend these days. That is this is not just certain people. Nearly everyone is starting to do it. It....it hurt. I wished I had stayed at home instead of going to hang with her. It was worse today. She had Westly come over, ignored me and Chrisss for 3 hours. We were in her room while she was elsewhere. Hell, we don't know where she was for about a hour of it. I think people in general..they are disappointing me. I am losing faith in our human race. And, I feel myself falling back into depression. Michael, Krista and Amanda talk to me. Sometimes Ryan or Chrisss. Where is everyone else that claims they are my friend or I thought was my friend? I feel alone.

And you know what...I bet it will be alone I shall die. Ya. Not so optimistic. But, I just can't bring it in myself to be such at the moment.

Light flashes against my window as a rumble erupts from the belly of the sky. The fan is on and blowing massive amounts of cold air into my face, causing strands of my hair to sway side to side. Music plays in my ears, coming from the headphones I wear that are connected to the headphone jack of my laptop. "I can't stop the rain from falling down on me." The techno beat is oddly calming to my lonely soul.

I apologize for how retarded this may sound...but, I have just realized that I am a girl. Okay, not like that. I mean...I realize that I actually have some girlie qualities about me. Forever, I was like...me tomboyish. When it comes down to everything, I'm changing. And, I have come to notice some girl-like qualities of me. I'm getting a bit more emotional and sensitive now, if I was not already and....eh. Forget it.

Sitting here alone in my room, fan blowing cold air on me. Crying that lone tear that does not quite fall and hit my soft cheek. Thinking of what I want, thinking of what I need, and thinking of what I don't have. What ever shall I do in result?

Feeling like an Emo shit for writing each one of these lines. Tilting my head ever to the side while typing away at my silver laptop. Singing each word as if they have meaning, when they just don't. Singing as if I have the voice of a raven, when my voice in fact sounds like that of a sparrow.

I wish I had real importance. A real role in life. TO well be...someone. To have someone want me for me. You know those real crappy romance movies...the ones geared towards 14-year old little girls horny for any kind of relationship for a male... My sister forces me to watch some of them with her. I hate those movies, not just for how unrealistic they are or how idiotic the plot lines tend to be...They hit too close to home. The pathetic girl who has no life and is the ugly duckling of the film, yet she is actually pretty...the one that gets the guy in the end and the happy ending. I always feel like that girl, just I don't get that happy ending or hot guy. I mean, I'm just sitting here waiting. I want to know when I get my happy ending? Is there one for everyone? Is there one for me? Or do I have to suffer a bit longer before I get it?

I like to believe that everything happens for a reason. Like, I'm supposed to get hurt a certain way in order for something else to happen. Like a catalyze.

Do I get to be a princess and have my fairytale ending? Or, was I right all along, that they truly do not exist?

Love is like one of life's unsolved mysteries. Everyone has their own definition for it. Everyone has their own view of it. Does love exist? That is a question that many people ask themselves. Most people believe in it. Some don't.

I remember a time when I did not believe in love. He changed that. The only person I have ever loved. I said I did not believe in it. He said he would get me to believe. ....Well, that ended in heartbreak. I mean..I know that if he was not gay..we would still be together. Guess what boys and girls, it is true. He confirmed it to me today. We were talking online and he said that if he was not gay, we probably would last forever. Good to know that it was not all in my head. That he saw it the same way too. We both pushed each other away. I got hurt. Probably, only because I am a girl and we all know that girls are hormonal bitches that let their emotions get in the fucking way.

Well...Ya. Kinda lost all of what I planned on saying. So, now for defining it.

Urban Dictionary:

* Nature's way of tricking people into reproducing.
* Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to.
* Either a horrible disease or a blessing.
* Reason people kill themselves.
* A word that guys use over and over. so they can get into girls pants.
* The number one hook to bring a girl to her knees. Best used while lying....
* Love is getting laid... often.
* Love is when your dog licks your face, when you come home, even though you've left them alone all day.
* A widespread incurable disease which is known to affect mind and sometimes the body. Symptoms may include: Affected judgment, light-headedness, eye-watering, chest pains, and increased need to be with the person who infected you. Is known to be highly contagious and can be deadly.
* Some sort of fucked up hormonal thing...?
* A cursed disease that will always be incurable by any man. It is also, ironically, "evol" spelled backwards.

A Journal. A Diary. A Blog. Honestly, What is the Difference? I can choose to use this space to rant or cry about the shit going on in my life. Either way, I am wasting my time and the time of whoever happens to ever read this. Am I going to keep it hidden? Why bother? Why have secrets? Why bothering to hide who I am? To hide the fuck up that I know I am. You may disagree. Some people do. Bet those people don't know me. Does anyone? Well, if you are religious...you can say that God /Jesus/whatever you believe in knows me. But, that is perhaps the only thing. Does anyone fully know someone? Close your eyes and take the first person that comes to mind, can you tell me what they are all about? Their hopes? Their dreams? Fears? Goals? What makes them...well, them? Do you know their past? The little simple things about them, such as their favorite color?

I sit in a room, a room that is of no importance, typing in front of a mostly white screen. I type this post. I think of the words I want to say before pressing the silver keys in my laptop and watch as letters appear on the screen. Letters that quickly form words. Words that are not all that important. They are not important to you. Hell, they are not important to me. So, why am I typing all of this? To feel important? To have a voice? Attention? So many questions I can ask that will remain unanswered.

Going back to what I said earlier, does anyone truly know me? They know part of me. But, they don't know all of me. It is like...GOSh, forget it. Too hard and difficult to explain. I can not simply come up with the proper words to go with it. I could always open up another tab in my web browser, open it to a site with a dictionary...but, even then...still, difficulty.

Music begins to play. Not mine. It comes from another laptop in the room. Guess I should of mentioned that I am in the computer lounge. For a brief few seconds, the words 'what is love?' can be heard. Then, the sound comes to an abrupt stop. The owner of the laptop turns off the volume. No more music. No more of the dance beats.

At the bottom of my screen is a tool bar. The task bar to be precise. Three windows are opened. Windows Movie Maker. Mozilla Firefox with four tabs opened. Instant Message window that contains my conversation with Krista. Once ago, it held two conversations. The other one was with the only individual that I have ever loved. He logged off some time ago. Dinner and shows. A real shame that I loved that man. A real shame that I still do. A real shame that nothing will ever become of that love for he is gay. The definition of gay is one that takes it up the ass. Well...not really. But, I do feel like being a bit lewd and cruel at the moment. He is a good person, despite what he says. Then again, I could be a bit bias since I love the loser. Aww....love. The thing that blinds all of humanity and causes them to act even more pathetic than they already are. Yesh, there is no hope for humanity. No hope for the people of this world. We are all pathetic. Bitter. BITTER. BITTERNESS. Did they not tell you that I was Cynical? Pessimistic? Negative?

Cookies were mentioned. That one word causes me to turn around and engage with the two people that call themselves 'my friends.' Are they really? Do friends treat you the way they do to me? By my definition.....no, not my friends. Acquaintances. Yesh. That is what I shall call them. If not that, tools would be a better term for what they are. They are 'Teh Tools.' They talk to me for a brief moment before doing what they normally do, ignore me altogether. I feel like a loner. An Outsider. I can not take it anymore. I shall leave. I need to. Yet, I remain here seated. Typing away. Okay.....I'm really going to leave...

"It was all a lie, such a beautiful lie our love was." Tears fell from his dark almond eyes before he fell to the ground dead. Embedded into his chest was the steak knife his wife placed there. She washed her white hands in the sink before leaving the kitchen. A small smile graced her rosy lips as a twinkle reached up to her cerulean blue eyes.

Croix brought up a rather interesting point yesterday. He said that to be happy, the person has to want it. It is a state of mind, that you have the power to choose if you are happy or not. Well....I see a shit load of unhappy people in the world that claim they wish to be happy. So, what is everyone doing wrong? I can not provide such an answer when I find myself doing the same exact thing. Are we supposed to just smile and take the shit that is being dealt to us?

If life is a card game, I wish to be drawn a new hand. Honestly, my cards suck! I have all low numbered cards. No face cards. I could do with a few aces. Pft, guess I should not plan on going to Vegas anytime soon.

Am I being witty or creative? Do I sound original or brilliant? Or do I sound as stupid as I feel? I went to the coffee shop today to get a smoothie and ran into my English professor from last semester. Our conversation........it was rather odd and interesting. She told me to go to class. She complimented me by saying that I am an excellent writer and that I was her most creative student. Psh, I was the only student in her class interested in Creative Writing. All her other students were into other subjects.

I go home in two days. Most people are excited about Spring Break. I am both afraid and thrilled to leave for home. I wonder if I will get to see that guy. I wonder if I will get to see my friends and if things would be okay. I wonder how things will be between my family and I. Am I worrying for nothing....Or am I walking into an ambush?

Strings lying dead,
Until, my touch brings them to life.
Moving rapidly in a well practiced dance,
They soon become bunny rabbits.
Dancing and deciding to now do the tango,
They caress one another,
Before finishing their dance.

The crowd breaks out in applause,
They take a bow with smiling faces.
Compliments and thrown flowers,
Cause them to battle.
Fists are thrown until they fall apart.
Laying on the ground lifeless once again,
Time to retie my shoe again.

What does one do when they find a strong urge to write and express them self, yet can not find the words to do such? Nimble hands type away at the keyboard, only to hit the backspace infinitely. Is this a sign of rebellion?

I don't feel alive at the moment. I feel like I am in an empty room. Here I sit in this room doing nothing, but begging to be let out. Yet, I am too idiotic to get up and find the door.

Days pass as I find myself doing nothing and wasting away into a pit of nothingness. Why?

In a thousand years, life will crumble into a pile of dust. All time shall stop and the world will be no more. Clocks will be frozen and the numbers will melt right off the little display. We all will be dead and laying around in the streets. Why the streets you ask? Why not in the ground? The answer to your question is rather simple. Because, I said so! There! Now, shut the fuck up and stop questioning me. Why must we all be so hostile?

Croix sits across from me on the couch. His lips move, yet I hear no sound. I get off the couch and lay on the floor. The floor is now my couch and he is now my therapist. I begin to talk and a volcano erupts. Words spew from my mouth rapidly and I seem to talk forever. I try to get my mouth to stop, but I can not seem to succeed. My mouth grows dry and the need for water arises, yet I keep talking on.

Marcus and I are no longer friends. Should I care? Should I cry and mourn over the lost of a friend as if he died? Or should I walk out the door and pretend he never existed? He can just become another unread letter on the ground. Never to be read by my eyes.

I speak many words without any meaning behind them. Bring out your pocket dictionary and you will find that you can not find any meaning out of what I say.

Dead Grass that would not turn green,
Despite how much it was watered.
Trees growing in a backyard,
Bared fruit that you could not eat.
Playing in a room filled with old toys,
I see my sister and I having fun.

Family vacation to a new state,
Tears us away from what we knew.
Mother and Father loved what they saw,
Guess what kids,
Time to move.

Sitting in the car and staring out the window,
Leaving behind all one knew.
Nothing can be said or done to change it,
Moving away from an old home.
Starting a new chapter,
When the last chapter had yet to be finished.

I feel like crying at times.
My life is crashing down.
Like ocean waves.

And, as I look around.
I can finally see.
That life...
It falls down on me!

Salty tears fall down my face.
And, I can't seem to get them to stop.
They fall down to my wounds.
And cause them to burn in pain.

Breaking down into a million pieces.
Life is crashing down around me.
Everything is coming to an end.

And I sit here knowing that I am weak.
I'm not strong enough to carry on.
I have done so much to cause my life to end.
But, I can't seem to find the restart button.
I can't re-generate it.

And, here I sit typing away.
Smiling to everyone.
Listening to music as I waste my life away.
Reading the occasional story or two.
Knowing that any story is better than the one I live.